I used to go out and cause problems for myself with heavy drinking and recreational substance use, which inevitably led me into a depression.
Looking back I realise now I was in a pretty low place when my son was born, for reasons I can only put down to insecurities and drink and recreational drug use. One thought I remember having after finding out I was going to be a Dad was that I was ready to die as I'd done my bit in reproducing, which i can see now is not only ridiculous but also quite sad.
There were obviously times when I felt good and I was so proud to be a Dad, but as time went on I started to feel more and more ashamed that I was helping raise an amazing little boy when I couldnt even see a future for myself.
Deep down I knew I wanted to be someone he could look up to and respect and I definitely wasn't that person.
When my son, Theo was 2 I made the hardest decision of my life and that was to part ways with his mother. It wasnt easy but it's what I felt was right and needed to do.
I know a lot of people probably go out drinking and clubbing when they split up with someone but I told myself I was going to get fit and be the best Dad I could possibly be. I went a full year without touching a drop (I maybe drink once a year now if that) and started setting myself challenges both physical and mental.
Throughout this year I learnt a lot about who I wanted to become and about myself. Also my eyes were starting to be opened to things like spirituality and other stuff I would of laughed at previously. One of the first things I took up was a type of self defence, which gave me dicipline and a focus aswell as improving levels of fitness.
As I started getting physically fitter, I found myself getting mentally happier in myself and my day to day life. I'm generally an all or nothing kind of person, so maybe this has helped me remain focused. I've recently decided to go vegan too and I've never felt better. I like to motivate others but my one main motivation is being someone my boy can look up to and respect - that's all.
I've just bought a camper van so Theo and I can go on adventures and stuff. I know I'm not with him everyday but he's my world. I don't really know what I could say to maybe help or encourage others who maybe haven't got the same motivation as me except you have to enjoy it, as happiness, like being fit, is a journey, not a destination! Find activities you like and CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN =)